Season five episode two is called, "Say what you mean, just don't say it mean." Have you ever heard a longer, more irritating title for a show? I haven't, so the show and I got off on the wrong foot. The truth is that I was so anxious to watch the show that I even forgot it was on until my lovely daughter reminded me and had to tell me the channel. My brain has a way of protecting me from things that drive up my blood pressure. Let's get to the What The Hell Moments of the show that I have renamed, "Ramona Singer's World."
First, Aviva and Heather meet at a restaurant with their husbands and are having a wonderful "getting to know you" conversation. I thought we heard as much as we could stand about Aviva's leg last week when it came up more often than the commercial breaks, but no. When Heather mentions how she likes to spoil her son, who has had serious medical problems almost since birth, Aviva chimes in with advice. "Treat him like you would anyone else" and then she goes into her leg again. While I do have compassion for Aviva, someone has to tell her to drop that story unless someone asks about it. She seems to think it fits into every conversation. Now, while her accident was tragic, it ended being life threatening after her amputation. Heather's son, on the other hand, is still having issues and going to the hospital to be treated. Maybe his condition is still life threatening? Maybe Heather is worried 24/7 for his health and well being? It's not like an amputated leg. I seriously hope this is the end of her bringing it up.
LuAnn has had it with Ramona!Then we go into the main what the hell moment, the rehashing of last season's tiff between Ramona and LuAnn. I am not fan of either, but Ramona is starting to make LuAnn look good. Ramona hit below the belt when she insulted LuAnn's parenting skills last season and doesn't regret it. "Everyone knows you are never home with your children, you fall off tables," she tells her at the park. Why they would pick a park to have their meeting is beyond me? And what is Ramona talking about? LuAnn responds back about the blackmail, "You called and threatened me so own it.” Ramona denies it. They both agree there will be no apologies. Ramona doesn't feel the need to make one and LuAnn knows it wouldn't be sincere. I hardly heard LuAnn get a word in edgewise. For someone who tells everyone to listen, Ramona doesn't shut up long enough to hear anything Luann is trying to say. I found myself cheering for Luann when she said, "What other dirty tricks do you have to pull out of your Pinot filled hat?" I would have said "pinot filled ASS" myself. LuAnn accuses Ramona of having spies in the Hamptons, watching her every move. Ramona says she doesnt have time to care about Luann. In fact, she doesnt even have time to do her own nails, and then she proceeds to describe the new shellac she gets, that lasts three weeks. Ramona ends by telling LuAnn she can't think of anything she likes about her, but "I always wish you the best." They shake hands on a flimsy truce. Luann walks away looking a little bewildered, like what just happened here? Then LuAnn, thinking out loud, says she may have made a pact with the devil. I think we all know she did.
The bouncing boobs don't work on RichThe third what the hell moment is the scene where Sonja gets a plumber, Rich, to check the water damage to her home from hurricane Irene. I never liked Sonja, but even I was embarrassed at her behavior. No one is going to tell me that wasn't "staged." Anyway, she shows the plumber around and tells him her tassels on her curtains cost $35 each. I'm sure he was very impressed as he calculates how much he is now going to charge her for repairs. Sonja starts drooling over the plumber who looks a lot like the singer, Meatloaf. She bounces around, making her boobs go up and down, to the point of embarrassing him. The flirting went beyond obvious and sickening. She says the "Meatloaf-doppelganger plumber" is pretty hot. She would love to cook for him in her toaster oven. Now I dislike Sonja even more than I did after her embarrassing burlesque number from last season!
"Sacre bleu! He is failing french of all things!"Finally, LuAnn is very upset that her son, Noel, is failing French! He comes from a French family! She and her boyfriend, Jacques, both speak fluent French! He has a French name for pete's sake! How on earth does this happen? I couldn't help but think that LuAnn was feeling a pinch of guilt after being called a "bad" mother again by Ramona, in the park. If she had been a good mother and home more with her children, maybe she would have known he was struggling with French (and MATH, but no one is too concerned about math, I mean what is it good for?). Then I think how smug Ramona must be feeling as she watches the episode and sees LuAnn's son failing in school. More ammo for their next meeting? Of course, Jacques is no help at all as he makes jokes, and just manages to irritate LuAnn. I'm sure we will see more of this in future episodes.
The "piece de resistenance" (in keeping with the French theme) is when Ramona meets Aviva and then discuss LuAnn. Ramona thinks LuAnn needs to get a job. Aviva asks, doesn't she have a singing career? Ramona says, "What singing career? You mean the song on youtube?" I have to give credit to Ramona this time...this time she hit the nail on the head. LuAnn has no singing career and no future in the music industry. Those staged "videos" for footage for the show, were a total embarrassment. All this show proves every week is that "money can't buy you class."
For more information about the Real Housewives of New York and ALL Bravo Housewives, check out http://stoopidhousewives.com/ and follow her on Twitter @stoopidhousewives for all the latest scoops!
Picture credit: Bravo
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